As I walk in the door from a long day call day at work, the lights are already dim as everyone is snug in their bed. Being home immediately refills my near-empty tank. The faint smell of dinner long since put away, the soft sounds of the dog snoring on her bed, plus the feeling of safety and retreat. I put down my bag by the door, take off my shoes (which, by the way, is one of the best feelings in the world), and head toward my bedroom, stopping at my children's rooms along the way.
Our house has become increasingly minimal over the past five years. Our lives' goals have changed, and to accomplish these changes, we needed to learn to make more of less. As many of you have discovered, and hopefully many more of you will find, it can be a somewhat slow and sometimes painful process. Initially, the process was a one-person show—me. I knew that the only way I could convince my family that minimalism would be good for us would be to show that it was good for me. With time, my family did jump on board, and they, too, began whittling away at our mass of possessions. I could not be more proud.
As I walk into my little girl's room to give her a goodnight kiss, I realize, as I fumble through the dark, that the only way to get to her is to move her enormous, 6 foot long, stuffed unicorn out of the way. You did not read that wrong. Six feet. Larger than she is. Almost bigger than I am. I am not proud to say that my first knee-jerk reaction was to get angry at the stuffed fairytale monstrosity. Perhaps I was even a little mad at my little girl for hanging on to it. As I finally kissed her forehead, though, I realized that it really does not matter.
There are three principles to remember when minimizing as a family:
1. Not everyone is on the same page
Sure, I am 100% on board the minimalist train. If I had my way, I would toss out 80% of the items in our house, including decorations (yes, even Christmas), half the children's toys, and most of my wife's closet. However, this would shorten my life significantly or, at least, make my remaining years much more painful. Instead, I have to see small changes and improvements as big deals. I also have to lead by example and only hope that they see in me something that they would like to emulate. Forcing change down the throats of others is an excellent way to get your ears boxed.
2. Minimalism is a process
When I started my journey close to 5 years ago, I did not wake up one morning and throw everything away. I started slowly. Several minimalists out there have great success with "throw out" parties, games, and challenges to get rid of items. I decided I would go room by room and do what I could to make my life simpler. I started with the closet and took at least 6 months to whittle my things down to something more manageable. Different items have different sentimentality and meaning to each of us. What might be easy for me to get rid of would be quite difficult for my wife to part with. This same principle applies to my children as well. My little girl loves that unicorn!
3. Relationships are always more important than things
This is the most crucial principle of minimalism, in my opinion. In fact, this is the main reason minimalists get rid of so much and live a simpler life. They want margin in their life to spend it with people they love. From another viewpoint: My feelings about a giant stuffed animal should never interfere with my relationship with my daughter. She is way more important to me than minimalism ever will be. She lights up my heart, and if that darn unicorn lights up her life, then so be it.
Perhaps one day, she will see that the unicorn keeps her from achieving something in her life. Maybe it takes up too much space in her bedroom, so she cannot draw or dance. Perhaps she will notice that she doesn't have enough space for friends to come over. Or maybe she will keep it forever. Whatever it might be, it is my job as a father, leader, and a minimalist to lead by example and allow her to make up her own mind what brings value to her life.