Who I was going to be
The dozens of books on my bookshelf were going to teach me how to do it all. I was going to eat perfectly, manage my time perfectly, manage and grow my money perfectly, be in the best shape of my life, be the best at my job, and have energy and joy throughout the entire process.
I was going to actually use all of my kitchen utensils and recipe books, once I made time to cook.
The clothes I was holding on to but wasn't wearing were going to make me look smoking hot, once I had the perfect body.
I was going to have a perfectly bronzed, contoured, smokey-eyed face, once I actually learned how to do my makeup.
I was finally going to have consistent energy and health, once I finally found the right supplement/gadget/app.
I was going to get back to my high school weight, and I needed my scale to make that happen.
I was going to become that person with an interior home design that others envied, once “the perfect thing” filled every empty space.
I was going to take all my vacations, and be fully present in my vacations, once I got to a certain comfort level at work.
I was going to actually rest in my home, once it was finally spotless.
I was going to enjoy my job more, once I moved to a different city.
What happened instead
I got rid of my bathroom scale, because my goal became feeling good, not a number.
I threw away hundreds of dollars in makeup, because I realized I like myself without it.
I got rid of my "just for when I get skinny" clothes, because I realized I'm not trying to impress anybody.
I got rid of my herbal medicinal products, biohacking products, and supplements, because I came to terms with the fact that I feel best when being mindful of my breathing, my feelings, and my actions.
The high of home projects completed wore off, my home aesthetic did nothing to calm my stress, none of my friends ever came over, and I realized that stuff doesn't even begin to make a home.
I got a new job after finally realizing that no amount of changes to my personal life could mask my misery.
I realized that I love people, and dogs, and experiences, so much more than things.